is your mom at the bar?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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