so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
