dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
