i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
