If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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