oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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