I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
