So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
