I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
