So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
