I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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