Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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