i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
