Need sex. Gaining weight.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
