I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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