if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
