Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
