I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
