he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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