Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
