So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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