Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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