did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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