Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
