I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize