we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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