Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
