At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
