It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
