how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
