Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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