I wanna bring you to show and tell
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
