I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
