Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize