so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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