Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
