direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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