I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
