i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
