Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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