Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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