dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
