Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
