i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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