Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
