im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
