Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
