It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
