he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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