I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
