Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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