You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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