physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I enjoy the company of your penis
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
