He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
