I'm jealous of your bromance
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
