Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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