I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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