i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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