I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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