So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
