My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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