i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i think i just lost a toe
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
