she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Congratulations! We have a period
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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