Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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