wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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