sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize