You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
