just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
