I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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