what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
