So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
