Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize