My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
