Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
