so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
