Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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