I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
