We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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