ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
