I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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