My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize