i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
