my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
