so that wasnt chicken after all
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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