All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I AM VODKA MAN
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
