ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
