it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
