This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The struggles of a small town man whore
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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