the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
