yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
