There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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