chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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