It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize