it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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