with your own penis?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
