I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
