Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
