wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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