I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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