I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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