I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Barsexuality is the new black.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
