The maid of honor just puked.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
